6 Flags Batman Dive Show Script... No. Really.

By this affidavit I do swear and affirm that, yeah, The 6 Flags Amusement Parks Batman Dive Show was a real thing, and I was tasked with writing or rewriting the scripts for it and other stunt shows like it when I worked in DC Comics' Licensing Department in the late-1990s and early-2000s. Splish-splash, evil doers!

BATMAN DIVE SHOW

First DC Comics Revision - 3-20-01

SCENE - GOTHAM CITY HALL

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Six Flags ______________ is proud to present the Batman Thrill Spectacular. Please join us in welcoming our host, president and CEO of Wayne Enterprises and chairman of the Wayne Foundation, Gotham City's own Bruce Wayne.

BRUCE WAYNE—dressed casually in Chinos, polo shirt and sports jacket—enters from GOTHAM CITY HALL SET. He's carrying a transparent briefcase stuffed with money. BRUCE crosses DOWN STAGE and stops in front of the DIVE POOL.

BRUCE

Thank you all so very much. As you know, today is a very special day. Not only will you be treated to the exploits of some of the greatest divers in the world, but thanks to your generous donations...

(holds up transparent briefcase to audience)

...The Gotham City Rehabilitation of Offenders Fund is one million dollars richer! On behalf of Gotham City and the Wayne Foundation, sponsors of the Fund, I would like to thank you all.

THE DIVERS ENTER during BRUCE'S SPEECH and begin to mount the diving rigs.

BRUCE (cont.)

And, as I said, in return for your donations, it's only fitting you get something too. To that end, we've arranged a unique and exciting experience for you, so without any further ado, please join me in welcoming the incredible, the fearless, World Class Diving team of _____________ and _____________!

THE DIVERS ARE IN POSITION ON THE DIVE RIG. Together they greet the audience. MUSIC BEGINS...

...As does a fast-paced dive display, ever increasing in difficulty, culminating with the LEAD DIVER 2/3 of the way up the center dive structure, preparing for the "ultimate" death-defying dive.

A SHORT DRUM ROLL.

BEHIND THE POOL, a SUSPICIOUS HOODED FIGURE is visible.

BRUCE

And now...the highlight of our display! We must ask for absolute silence, please.

DRUM ROLL STOPS and LEAD DIVER prepares to dive.

BRUCE TURNS TO WATCH HIM as he makes his dive.

DIVER SURFACES and waves to the crowd. BRUCE turns his back to the audience to thank the DIVER. DIVER climbs out of the pool and BRUCE invites him forward to speak to him.

BEFORE DIVER CAN SPEAK, the suspicious HOODED FIGURE—TWO-FACE, wearing a hooded sweatshirt over his dive costume—rushes forward and grabs the DIVER. TWO-FACE HUSTLES DIVER OFFSTAGE, while BRUCE looks on, confused.

TWO-FACE RETURNS, his face still hidden by the hood.

BRUCE

Ladies and gentlemen, it's L.L.Duosky, the famed coach and trainer of our high diving champions.

(to TWO-FACE)

Welcome, Mr. Duosky. Could you tell us how long it takes your divers to learn and perfect a routine like the one we just...

TWO-FACE SNATCHES THE MICROPHONE from BRUCE, cutting him off mid-sentence.

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Thank you, thank you, Mr. Bruce Wayne!

BRUCE (thought/V.O.)

That voice...!

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

To answer your question, a lot of thought and planning went into tonight's display. It's not every day that we can capture an audience of Gotham City's finest, most upstanding...

(manic voice)

...and might I add richest!...

(normal voice)

...citizens, all in one place!

BRUCE (thought/V.O.)

I know that voice...!

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Our sincerest thanks for this opportunity, Brucie!

HENCHMAN 1 is sneaking up behind BRUCE.

BRUCE (thought/V.O.)

Wait! Can it be...?

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

It's beginning to dawn on you, isn't it, Brucie? You were expecting some diving drip...but instead, you've gotten...

BRUCE RIPS THE HOOD FROM TWO-FACE'S face, revealing him to the audience.

BRUCE

Two-Face!

TWO-FACE

(laughing/manic voice)

Oh, you've found us out!

HENCHMAN 1 strikes BRUCE FROM BEHIND. BRUCE drops to his knees, dazed. HENCHMAN 2 joins them and, with HENCHMAN 1, each grabbing one of BRUCE'S arms, yanks BRUCE to his feet.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

Fat lot of good it's done you. We're back in action and ready for chaos...but this time, we shall be holding all the aces—not to mention the safety of Gotham City's citizenry!—in our hot little hands!

BRUCE suddenly lunges to his feet, breaking free of his captors. BRUCE hits HENCHMAN 1, knocking him down. This frees the way for BRUCE to escape. He starts to charge OFF-STAGE...

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

You are the optimist, aren't you, Brucie?

RIDDLER LEAPS ON STAGE, blocking BRUCE'S escape.

RIDDLER

Boo!

BRUCE looks around for another out. Sees the DIVE APPARATUS. RACES TO IT and begins to climb.

RIDDLER

Riddle me this. Mr. Wayne! What goes up, must come...?

RIDDLER pauses. Looks at the POOL. Looks up at the climbing BRUCE. Looks at the AUDIENCE, laughing.

RIDDLER pulls out a gun. Turns his back on the dive tower, points the gun over his shoulder and fires one shot. Whirls and Wild West fashion, firs a second shot. Takes careful aim at Bruce and fires a third shot.

SHOTS RICOCHET off DIVE TOWER. BRUCE looses his grip on the ladder and tumbles, falling into the pool with a great splash.

RIDDLER (cont.)

Down!

(laughs)

TWO-FACE RACES TO THE EDGE OF THE POOL and peers over the side, looking for a sign of BRUCE. RIDDLER saunters casually over, blowing the smoke from the barrel of his gun. The two HENCHMEN also come to stand nearby at the edge of the pool.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

What're you waiting for? Drag him out of there!

TWIN DIVERS dive into pool. They surface a short time later, shaking their heads to signal they can find no sign of BRUCE.

TWIN GIRL 1

He's not there, Two-Face. He's disappeared!

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

He couldn't have just disappeared, you dolt. You let him escape!

TWO-FACE, angry, shoves HENCHMAN 1 into the pool.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

The minnow has escaped! No matter...after all, we're after bigger fish today, aren't we?

RIDDLER

My people wouldn't have lost Wayne, Two-Face!

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Your people? Your people couldn't catch a cold!

RIDDLER

Check out the big shot with his two faces! Why don't we just let the audience decide whose got the most divine divers.

DIVE SEQUENCE BEGINS.

TWIN GIRL 1 performs a SINGLE SOMERSAULT.

RIDDLER HENCHMAN 1 performs DOUBLE SOMERSAULT.

TWIN GIRL 2 performs DOUBLE SOMERSAULT WITH A TWIST ON HIGHER LEVEL.

RIDDLER HENCHMAN 2 performs TRIPLE SOMERSAULT WITH THREE TWISTS.

TWIN GIRLS 1 and 2 perform final SYNCHRONIZED DIVE.

THROUGHOUT ACTIVITY, TWO-FACE and RIDDLER are encouraging the audience to applaud their diver.

THE FINAL SYNCHRONIZED DIVE is clearly the best dive.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

We think the winner is clear!

RIDDLER

Not so fast, you bi-polar buffoon. I still have one more dive in my bag of tricks!

RIDDLER mounts the DIVE APPARATUS. DIVES.

SIMULTANEOUSLY A LINE ROCKET FIRES.

BATMAN ENTERS ON SLIDE FOR LIFE.

BATMAN hits the ground as RIDDLER is climbing out of the pool.

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Ah, the aforementioned bigger fish!

(manic voice/to HENCHMEN)

Well, what are you waiting for? Get him!

HENCHMAN 1 attacks BATMAN. BATMAN QUICKLY RIGHT CROSSES then LEFT CROSSES him across the face, then, while the man stands, dazed and swaying, BATMAN HARD JABS HENCHMAN, who stumbles backwards and tumbles into the pool.

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Why, Batman. What a pleasant surprise. To what do we owe the honor?

BATMAN

Give yourself up, Two-Face.

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Now...why didn't I think of that? Of course, Batman, I'll give myself up. I surrender.

(holds up the transparent briefcase to BATMAN)

You'll go easy on me, won't you? See—all the money's still here...

TWO-FACE OPENS BRIEFCASE and a burst of colored gas shoots out, engulfing BATMAN. Dazed, BATMAN falls to one knee.

TWO-FACE (cont.)

(manic voice)

...Plus a little dividend I rigged in the briefcase before you got here!

THE HENCHMEN grab BATMAN and guide him up the DIVE APPARATUS to the FIRST LEVEL. TWO-FACE FOLLOWS, carrying a BELT or VEST laden with DYNAMITE.

BATMAN STRUGGLES, but still weakened by the gas, can't get free of the HENCHMEN before TWO-FACE wraps the dynamite belt around him and he is tied to the diving apparatus structure.

TWO-FACE

(normal voice/to AUDIENCE)

Ladies and gentlemen, you've given to the Criminal What-ever-you-calls-it Fund. Given till it hurts! And as the late Mr. Wayne said...you deserve a show for your money. In that spirit, I humbly present a little something I like to call...

(manic voice)

...Blasting the Bat!

TWO-FACE whips a REMOTE CONTROL from his pocket. He presses a button.

A BEEP SOUNDS.

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

Bomb has been activated.

RIDDLER

(to BATMAN)

Riddle me this, Batman—what do you and a soft-boiled egg have in common?

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

Three minutes to detonation.

RIDDLER

Give up? You'll both be done in three minutes!

(laughs)

RIDDLER is laughing, hopping around the stage, amusing the heck out of himself.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

The clock's ticking, Riddler. Let's go!

RIDDLER doesn't hear, still laughing uncontrollably.

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

Two minutes, forty-five seconds to detonation.

SUDDENLY BATMAN breaks one hand free of the ropes. He struggles. His second hand is free.

AS BATMAN unwraps himself from the ropes, HENCHMAN 2 notices. He leaps at BATMAN and they struggle, fighting. HENCHMAN 1 is charging to join the fight as BATMAN knocks HENCHMAN 2 off the diving platform.

BATMAN and HENCHMAN 2 have a brief fight before HENCHMAN 2 is defeated. BATMAN turns to go after, TWO-FACE and RIDDLER...

...But his way is blocked by TWIN GIRL 1 and TWIN GIRL 2, both of them fawning and fussing over BATMAN in mock gratitude.

TWIN GIRL 1

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Batman! You've saved us from that horrible, horrible man!

TWIN GIRL 2

Oh, yes, Batman! You're so big and strong and handsome and brave, so very, very...

WHILE BATMAN LOOKS AT TWIN GIRL 2 AS SHE SPEAKS, TWIN GIRL 1 SLUGS BATMAN from behind with the heavy object of your choice that's been secreted on the set for this purpose. BATMAN goes down.

TWIN GIRL 2 (cont.)

...Gullible!

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Excellent work, girls. Top-notch, as always. Naturally, the ever-so gallant Batman couldn't resist two such lovely damsels in distress...

(to AUDIENCE/normal voice)

...Two is my lucky number, you know...

(to TWIN GIRLS/manic voice)

...Now get lost! We've got a Bat to make dead!

TWIN GIRLS climb down off the apparatus.

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

Two minutes to detonation.

TWIN GIRL 1 retrieves a LARGE BOTTLE of TOXIC LIQUID. TWIN GIRLS tip the contents into the pool.

POOL BURSTS INTO FLAMES.

RIDDLER, HENCHMEN and TWIN GIRLS take up positions around the burning pool, all looking up at TWO-FACE and BATMAN on the diving apparatus.

TWO-FACE is prepared to push the still dazed, now kneeling BATMAN into the burning pool with his foot.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

Feeling warm, Batman?

BATMAN

Wait, Two-Face. You're forgetting something...you always flip your coin before doing anything!

TWO-FACE

(normal voice)

Oh, dear. You're right! In all the excitement of the moment, I almost forgot!

TWO-FACE TAKES COIN FROM HIS POCKET. Holds it up for a moment.

TWO-FACE (cont.)

(normal voice)

Regular side up—you live.

(manic voice)

Scarred side up—you die!

TWO-FACE FLIPS THE COIN and as he does, BATMAN WHIRLS and throws a HANDFUL OF COINS UP IN THE AIR.

TWO-FACE (cont.)

(manic voice)

No!

CONFUSED, TWO-FACE lunges, grabbing wildly at coins, and loses his balance.

BATMAN grabs hold of TWO-FACE before he can go over the edge, but it's clear BATMAN does not have a firm hold on TWO-FACE.

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

One minute to detonation.

BATMAN

(urgently)

The detonator, Two-Face!

TWO-FACE

(pointing up/manic voice)

It...it's up there! Don't let us fall!

BATMAN

Don't worry, Two-Face...

BATMAN PULLS TWO-FACE back up onto the platform.

BATMAN (cont.)

...I won't let you fall.

BATMAN turns to look down at RIDDLER. When he does, TWO-FACE LUNGES at BATMAN.

TWO-FACE

(manic voice)

Oh, wait. We lied...it's actually in my pocket!

BATMAN DUCKS and TWO-FACE flies over him and into the pool before BATMAN can grab him.

COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)

Thirty seconds to detonation.

BATMAN CLIMBS UP THE DIVING APPARATUS to the next level.

COMPUTER VOICE (cont./V.O.)

Twenty seconds to detonation.

BATMAN looks down, pauses. Pulls off the DYNAMITE BELT/VEST.

COMPUTER VOICE (cont./V.O.)

Ten seconds to detonation.

BATMAN DIVES, throwing the DYNAMITE BELT/VEST into the water ahead of him.

He hits the water.

COMPUTER VOICE (cont./V.O.)

Five seconds to detonation. four seconds...three seconds...

RIDDLER, TWIN GIRLS and HENCHMEN look into the pool.

COMPUTER VOICE (cont./V.O.)

...Two seconds...one second...

THE POOL EXPLODES. RIDDLER, TWIN GIRLS and HENCHMEN are all thrown back to the ground by the blast.

But still no sign of BATMAN.

MUSIC SUBSIDES.

BEAT.

THEN BATMAN THEME BEGINS.

MUSIC SWELLS as BATMAN, holding a sputtering, gasping TWO-FACE, rises from the water. As BATMAN heaves the dazed TWO-FACE out of the pool...

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Ladies and gentlemen...the Batman Thrill Spectacular! Thank you for being here and we hope you enjoy the rest of your day here at Six Flags ________________. Please, put your hands together for the cast of our Dive Show Team!

CAST BOWS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

CAST EXITS.